(no subject)

[itaito]

[sheet music in hand, wandering into Kaito's bedroom]

Hey, Kaito?

Comments

[was_no_monster]

[growls in response and then grabs his shoulders again, this time to brace himself before slamming his knee into the other's lower back]

[itaito]

[not seeing it coming is... he can't describe it. it's so much more intense, so much more frightening, and he tries - fails - to bite his lip as he clings to the bed, tense and breathing hard through his nose as he recovers.]

[was_no_monster]

[he gets a moment of reprieve as Kaito folds forward, wrapping his arms around him— but his grip is tight, and getting tigher, and after a couple of moments he shoves one hand up his shirt to claw roughly at him]

[itaito]

Mmmnn--

[that groan is more tinged with fear than the last one]

[was_no_monster]

[he all but purrs in appreciation. he had almost forgotten what it was like to be feared when he wanted it.

...it isn't quite right, though. there's still a twist of unease in the pit of his stomach, a vague sense of wrongness. ...it must not be enough. not yet.]

Louder.

[using his other hand to pull Kaito's head to the side by the hair, and then biting at his exposed neck]

I swear this is the last time I'll edit

[itaito]

[he does like having his hair pulled, and being bitten. they're familiar pleasures he can focus on in the midst of fear and uncertainty, and it's not difficult at all to obey Kaito's command.]

Mmmn. Hnnnmn!

/2

[was_no_monster]

[that's better, that's good, but it's still— it's still not enough, somehow, and he hisses with frustration. he wants more, he wants blood and the breaking of bones and a fight, not this pliant acceptance, not his trust—

except... that's wrong, somehow, isn't it? it's wrong because...

because it isn't him that wants those things. he wants something else.]

[was_no_monster]

[he lets go of the other all at once, and starts to tug at the blindfold with shaking hands]

I'm sorry, I- I can't— I shouldn't have... I'm sorry.

[itaito]

[well. he can't say he's not disappointed, and he can't say he's not relieved. he shivers as cool air hits his back, and turns to look at the other as the blindfold comes away.]

[was_no_monster]

[he avoids Kaito's gaze, keeping his own on his hands as he undoes the gag with as much gentleness as he can force himself to take]

[itaito]

[softly]

Why?

[was_no_monster]

...Because even if you trust me, I don't. Not while I'm like this.

[itaito]

[he just nods a little]

I understand.

[puts one hand over Kaito's]

[was_no_monster]

[he has to bite back his automatic, angry retort to that, shoving it down with everything else. this person had not asked for him, had not accepted him and the baggage he carried, the way his father and Miku had, so he will not put any more of its weight on him.

instead, he curls his hand shut again, withstanding the touch as long as he can, before pulling away and starting to get to his feet]

...I'm sorry.

[itaito]

--Kaito?

[he sounds like a lost puppy, pathetic and needy. in different circumstances, he might be embarrassed by the tone in his voice, the way he involuntarily reaches as Kaito gets up]

[was_no_monster]

[blinking at him, expression fearful and more than a little bewildered

but after a moment, he sits back down with a thump.]

[itaito]

[leans on]

... hold me?

[was_no_monster]

[he doesn't quite flinch, but he doesn't welcome the contact, either. sounding frustrated and slightly resentful]

I can't. Not right now.

[itaito]

[he pulls back, frowning. but...]

...Okay. I-- I get it.

[was_no_monster]

[covering his face, just trying to keep breathing evenly, to not just snap—]

—I need to go.

[this time he all but bolts.]

[itaito]

[well.

that didn't go well at all.]