(no subject)

[was_no_monster]

[Kaito is sprawled across the couch. he's got his laptop open and turned on, but the blank way he's staring at the screen suggests that his mind is elsewhere.]

Comments

[itaito]

Ah, okay...

[glances at the laptop. how do I de-awkward this OH I KNOW SMALL TALK]

R-reading something interesting?

[was_no_monster]

[his position is a little awkward. he's propped up against the armrest of the couch, the laptop balanced precariously on his chest, his legs pulled up to make room and swung slightly over the side of the couch in preparation for him to sit up. it's open—vulnerable—in a way that part of him doesn't want the other to see.

but hadn't Kaito already seen him far more vulnerable than this?

...he pulls his legs back onto the sofa, and slowly leans back again.]

...Not really. I was going to read something, but I couldn't keep my mind on it.

[itaito]

[scoots over to the other armrest to make some more room for the other]

Mm. Yeah, I've been kind of distracted lately too...

[was_no_monster]

...

For the same reason...?

[itaito]

Eh? I-I, uh-- M-maybe? I don't-- wh-why are you distracted?

[was_no_monster]

[opens his mouth

...shuts it. blushing and glancing away, looking uncomfortable and vaguely guilty]

...never mind.

[itaito]

[also blushing. he wasn't sure (hardly dared to hope), but that reaction...]

... U-um.

Was it... could it be "that"...?

[was_no_monster]

[covers his face in what is almost a facepalm and curls his legs up further toward his chest]

... Mmm. I don't... I'm not sure what to do, beyond... apologize, I suppose.

[itaito]

--Eh?! Apologize? Why?

[was_no_monster]

[for making you touch him]

...

You didn't ask for me.

[itaito]

... Y-you didn't ask for me, either.

[was_no_monster]

Didn't I?

/2

[itaito]

...

[itaito]

...

I-I... guess I can't imagine why you w-would.

[was_no_monster]

...I can't give you an answer to that. Not yet, at least.

[itaito]

...

Well... in any case, you're not the one who has to apologize. Not at all.

It was really... r-really good.

I...

I didn't deserve it.

[was_no_monster]

[flushing slightly, embarrassed, and then looking up sharply]

Didn't— Why not?

[itaito]

[anxious glance over at Kaito, before self-consciously looking away]

I...

Y-you're... y-you're not... the first.

N-not even the first man... I've... I've been...

... been ch-cheap.

... I'm sorry.

[was_no_monster]

[...he doesn't entirely understand. it's irritating, yet another reminder of his own inexperience and inadequecy, and the way the other is speaking about himself only makes it worse, somehow.

sitting up, slowly]

... You aren't cheap.

[itaito]

[curling in on himself a bit]

I-I am. Look - w-with this sort of thing, th-the pain and the s-submission - i-it's supposed to be, I'm supposed to be devoted to my Mistress, right? ... Or my M-Master.

B-but I... I just keep... k-keep giving it up so easily, M-Miku wasn't even the first girl I w-wanted to, to s-submit to, and all G-Gakupo had to do was start flirting with me and the n-next thing I knew I was calling him Master a-and it wasn't even serious, I knew it w-wasn't, so how could I justify... I...

W-what kind of sub am I, j-just doing it so easily for anyone like that? H-how can I g-give Miku the d-devotion she deserves, how can I b-be a good sub for her like this?!

[was_no_monster]

[winces, another flicker of guilt crossing his face. shaking his head]

I still don't think that makes you cheap. Lonely, maybe, but...

I would be a hypocrite if I looked down on you at all for wanting to be cared for that badly.

[itaito]

[he just slumps, turning one end of his scarf over and over in his hands]

... I should be better than that. I-- I should be better for Miku, and-- a-and you.

Y-you both... deserve better.

[was_no_monster]

...

[leaning over to gently tug it out of his grip]

Regardless of what you think we deserve, what she wants—what we want—is you.

[itaito]

[just... stares at Kaito, like he just said something earth-shakingly profound.

maybe he did.

and after a moment, just... tips over to press against Kaito's side, burying his face in his arm]

[was_no_monster]

[dksljsldkjgsjdga hello again, blush, I was wondering where you went. it takes him a few seconds to unfreeze, but eventually he shifts his arm from underneath Kaito to wrap it gingerly around his back]