shamelesshookery | KAITO: SHADOW GARBAGE AU EDITION OPEN POST

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KAITO: SHADOW GARBAGE AU EDITION OPEN POST

Because sometimes you love both the split personality and inner demons tropes way too much, and there's only one way to handle it.

THE AU IS RIDICULOUS, but all you really need to know is Kaito got humanity's malice dumped into his head along with ridiculous power, and his way of coping with both that and the trauma involved was to shove it all in with everything else he represses the heck out of and then completely dissociate himself from it. End result: what he thinks of as his inner monster has completely split off into a personality of its own, following the imagery and pattern left behind by the Shadow from that one time the Vocaloid Dressing Room had a Persona event.

(Please don't judge me.)

Feel free to pick a scenario, if you can't think of one just blank tag this sucker and I'll come up with something!

Warning! There will be a decently high probability of maiming in this post! If you're not okay with that, that's cool; just let me know in a comment header or something and I will have normal Kaito intervene. (Alternately, if you want to get mauled... well. All you have to do is ask :))

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[ I am literally the last person who will ever comment on dumb noises made crying. do you not remember the times I've done it on you— don't answer that.

calmly, quiet ]

This is all I have left, I think. You might as well have it, too.

[Everything I have done leading up to this and even now is just a fuck up.]

If I erased your memories of me would it help?

[ that's tempting. God, but that's tempting. ]

... all of them?

[The idea hurts like dying.]

All of them. Not even my name.

...

No.

...Why?

You're too important to me.

Look at what I've done to you for a minute, Kaito!

[ laughs, cracked ]

I am. You've been by my side while I wept. You were my first real kiss, the first person I let see me be aroused and completely helpless to do anything about it. You gave me the ability to admit my love without having to use it as a weapon in order to do so.

You might not be the person who did those things anymore, but you have as much in common with them as I do with the part of me that hurt you. I don't... I don't want to give any of that up. I don't want to give up on you.

[He stares blindly at where he thinks Kaito's face is for a long time, amazed. His heart aches so much, and he's just crying without noticing it, too entranced by Kaito's voice and the warmth and pain of those words. It hurts. It hurts so much and he does love Kaito, he always did, he never stopped he just became really bad at trusting and too paranoid and... He really probably won't forgive himself for what he's done, but he's done a lot in his life he won't forgive himself for. He doesn't have to kill someone else he loves, not this time. He doesn't have to. It's a choice. He can choose to stop. Can't he?]

[He reaches up and brushes his fingers over Kaito's cheek, clumsy at first, finding it blindly, and his magic sinks in, warm, trying to just, dissolve it all. The chains and binding connecting them, the cage in Kaito's mind, everything making Kaito his--]

[It goes well for a few seconds before he feels feedback like an electric shock. His magic melded too close to Kaito's so he can't even figure out which part belongs to him to untangle.]

[Alarmed, he tries again, to yank his power out of Kaito, relinquish control of him, but it's like trying to untangle a knot by pulling both ends tighter, and this attempt leaves him gasping, and more than a little panicked.]

...Tristan?

[ he can feel the attempt at dissolution—"restraint" is his power, after all, and he put some of that mess there—but he can also feel the sudden shock of the backlash, and the painful tightening as Tristan yanks— ]

Tristan. Stop, please—

[ touching his face, pressing up against him— trying to be soothing but also trying to get him to stop making it hurt ]

Edited 2015-03-11 13:39 (UTC)

[Nononono this can't happen. It's just like with Ariel. Why can he recreate an entire world but the inner workings of individuals escape him? Maybe it has something to do with possibly don't rewire someone while panicking and angry (or ever).]

[He recoils, both physically pressing back into the bed and magically retreating. He can't fix this without risking tearing Kaito's mind apart. Probably his own too but he doesn't care. Maybe given time he could unravel it but also it might just fuse tighter.]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry Kaito I'm sorry.

[He hates apologizing. He doesn't do it anymore but for the second time today he is and it isn't enough. He wants forgiveness, who wouldn't, but his apologies aren't seeking it. They're just sort of despairing. He can't even do this one thing right. He's almost glad he can't see Kaito's face. He can imagine Kaito doesn't entirely hate or fear him.]

All orders are cancelled. I nullify every order I've given. If you stay away from me I can't give you new ones.

[ it's definitely a good thing he can't see Kaito's face, because as soon as he realizes what's going on, and that Tristan's commands have been revoked, his other half tries to slam him out of the way to take control and revenge. the resulting battle is short but intense, but he doesn't budge.

taking deep, shaky breaths, and continuing to cup Tristan's face ]

Shh, shhh... I'm not. I won't. May I try?

[Honestly he's half braced for revenge, ready not to fight back or move. So it's odd when all he feels is Kaito's hand still warm on his face.]

Yes. You don't.... have to ask me permission anymore.

[ huffs, tired ]

Messing about in your head without asking permission first was what got us into this in the first place, wasn't it?

[ putting his face down next to Tristan's, their cheeks pressed together as he runs careful mental fingers over the snarled tangle of Tristan's spellwork and his chains ]

... I don't think it can be detangled. Everything is knotted up to the point where it would fight either of us trying. Outright destroying it would leave us both with bits of the tangle, and... shrapnel?

I think the rest of me can corrode it, though. It would just... take time.

This time I'd actually deserve it.

[He's quiet and docile but his emotions are not. Over flooded with feelings and the belated realization that Kaito said he wasn't going anywhere.]

...At the time... I wanted to make sure you could never leave me or turn on me. I meant forever. My power tries to alter reality to suit me. I've never had to try to undo that.

[But it would explain how resistant it is. It's not like Tris stopped wishing to keep Kaito always. No, in a way he wants to have him here more than ever, fears letting him go more. Even if he wants to undo things, if he also feels this way his magic isn't going to cooperate, is it? It'd damage them both trying to fulfill his desire.]

...Do whatever you want or have to.

And I was serious... If you stay I might order you not to leave again, Kaito. I am not good at letting go of people I love. Not even when I hurt them.

[ hums, not quite his "purr" but close, and mumbles into his shoulder ]

Believe me, I'm not any better. Why do you think I'm still here?

If I stay, we can work out a way to balance that. If I don't, we can't, and the chances of us salvaging anything from this are frankly shit. ...I just said I didn't want to give up on you, didn't I?

[ he's still mostly just dull and exhausted, but there's also a flash of exasperated deep fondness at Tristan admitting to wanting to keep him, and the sense of him steeling himself and regrouping under that— something fierce and stubborn and hopeful waking up and pulling itself together ]

Edited (OK THIS IS MY LAST EDIT I PROMISE) 2015-03-11 15:30 (UTC)

[I love you I love you I love you never leave me... He clamps down on that thought before it becomes a nonverbal order.]

[Carefully, uncertain, he gropes for Kaito's head, tangles fingers in his hair.]

Kaito.... is that really what you want?

[Honestly a bit of soft wonder at Kaito's resilience. This is not making him want to keep Kaito forever any less it's kind of problematic.]

Edited 2015-03-11 15:38 (UTC)

[ just puddles, soaking Tristan's affection up like dry ground would pull in rain after a drought ]

I—

[ and Tristan can feel the sudden jarring impact of running up against a mental wall he cannot cross to reach the words he want. making a quiet, cranky noise ]

...can't answer that right now. My other side is the one who can admit to wanting things, and he's... mnngh. He's vengeance. I'm not going to let him out until we can be constructive about that.

[ his choice of words is pretty telling, though— confirming that he even has a want to admit ]

[It's telling. Tristan runs his fingers through Kaito's hair and back, trails his fingers up to do it again.]

He's not unjustified. This time. If that's also something you want.

[ sighs and sticks his face against Tristan's neck, arching into that a little ]

Did it make you happy to take revenge on me?

[He'd forgotten what a cat Kaito was. Keeps petting, it helps ground him too.]

No. Not really. But what else would be constructive? Keeping your wants locked away like you used to?

[ dry ]

Tristan, just because we're not immediately trying to tear your throat out doesn't mean I'm letting you off the hook.

...I'm going to think about what I want from you in repayment for this, and I'm going to make sure it's something you can learn from. There's no point to it if you can't.

[Well he never stops petting.]

Whatever you wish.

[Mildly said. He wants to be able to accede to whatever it is Kaito needs of him. He's terrible at giving control to others now but he wants Kaito to stay and forcing it is only disastrous. He can try to relearn how to not be in total control. But also, he's not sure he wants to. It makes him uneasy to agree to anything without knowing what it will be. Simple mauling is so ordinary it wouldn't bother him, but maybe that's why Kaito's right to refuse it. It's hardly repayment for what he's done if it's so mundane. For what he still wants to do, in part. It's probably going to be hard reminding himself why he shouldn't just make Kaito stay his forever.]

...You're distancing yourself again.

[ that, and I can feel you worrying in there! huffs and wraps his arms around Tristan ]

I'm not going to do anything without warning you first, and I'm not going to ask anything of you that you can't ultimately say "no" to.

There are levels I'm not willing to sink to.

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